


Your Hand in Mine

by TheNevemore



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Connected Drabbles, First Person, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 22:53:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5310122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNevemore/pseuds/TheNevemore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is no feeling in the world like his hand in mine. But I can't help wondering if every touch means as much to him as it does to me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Began

**Author's Note:**

> So, I originally posted this on AFF back in like...April or something like that? It was the first fic I had written in a very long time, and it kind of shows in how this one plays out. It's rough around the edges, but I like it anyway. xD

 

It began simply: with a dare.

During our early days as trainees, Jiyong thought it would be a brilliant idea to bond by playing what he innocently called a "get to know you" game. It wasn't until we were sitting in a tight little circle on the bedroom floor that he revealed that what he had meant to say was "truth or dare." I was petrified. Being roomed with strangers was hard enough - I was painfully shy - but to be expected to reveal my secrets was a fate I considered worse than death. Seunghyun, though, thought it was the best idea ever.

I can still remember the way his lips twisted up into that devilish smile of his and how his jetty eyes twinkled. He was already elbow-deep in plans by the time Jiyong had finished introducing the game; I was doomed.

The first round, of course, went to Jiyong. After all, he was the leader and it was his game. He had cast his eyes about for a moment, exaggerating his pout as he pretended to scrutinize us, before he turned to Youngbae. "Truth or dare?" Ever the daring soul, Youngbae selected dare, and things spiraled out of control from there. By the time midnight rolled around, Jiyong was missing an eyebrow, Seungri was wearing a shirt for pants, and Youngbae was wearing fake eyelashes borrowed (stolen, more like) from a female trainee.

Fluttering his long eyelashes, Youngbae turned to me. "Truth or dare?"

I felt my palms begin to itch with sweat. "Uh." Truth was dangerous: He could ask me anything and I'd have to answer. Dare was perhaps even scarier based on the ridiculousness of the most recent challenges. But, being made to do something foolish seemed less terrible, so I quickly uttered, "Dare."

Youngbae smirked. "I dare you..." He looked around the circle. "To hold hands with Seunghyun hyung for the rest of the night!"

It was not as bad as I had been expecting. Turning to the brunette at my side, I tried to give him a smile, but I'm sure the hint of terror in my eyes made it look pained. Before I could ask permission, Seunghyun took my sweaty hand in his and gave it a squeeze. My heart rate increased a hundredfold. 


	2. Then It Became

 

Seunghyun enjoyed that game far too much. Since I was attached to him at the hand, he chose dares all night long, knowing I would have to go through it with him. He would cackle like a madman with every new challenge before giving my hand a meaningful tug. Each time I would whine, telling him I hadn't accepted the dare, and his response was to drag me to my feet.

I am still scarred by trying to get him into a dress without letting go of our joined hands.

But, that night, we all crawled into bed together - my hand still tucked safely in his. He pulled me close and buried his face in my hair, smiling. "You didn't have to be nervous, Dae," he mumbled sleepily. "I'll take care of you." My chest felt warm, like someone had opened a window inside of me that looked out on a sunny day. I responded by giving his hand a gentle squeeze; I loved my dare.

Then, it became a game. 

Seunghyun and I decided to turn our handholding into something of a game. Anytime we were in public, whoever initiated the handholding would get a point - double if it made the fans scream. We would laugh and laugh, secretly informing the other of additional points scored while the public watched on. The biggest opportunity for points, though, came during photo shoots. If a photographer told us to hold hands it was double points for both of us; if our picture of holding hands was featured in some way it was triple points; and, if we managed to sneak in handholding and make it into a shot, we'd get four times as many points.

I guess that is why there are so many pictures of us holding hands, back then.

Jiyong, Youngbae, and Seungri all thought our little game was hilarious. They would try to run interference, claiming points for themselves whenever they blocked us from scoring. It became us versus them; we  _had_  to hold hands because we  _had_  to win.

But I began to look forward to the feel of Seunghyun's long, spindly fingers between my own and the way our callouses would brush against each other's as our hands clasped. Perhaps best of all were the moments he would cradle my hand between both of his and play with my warm, dark fingers. It felt like he was always breathes away from telling me a secret in those moments. Some corner of my mind had begun to imagine what hid in those silences, spinning fantasies of what he might say to me. At that time, I think my favorite scenario was one where he would lean over and ask me if I wanted to go get ice cream, just the two of us. He would even offer to let me have a taste of his - something utterly unheard of.

I was falling in love with him, and I didn't even know it.


	3. It Changed

 

The early days of Big Bang were wonderful. We spent all of our time together, which meant I became very close to Seunghyun. In fact, I think of anyone we spent the most time together: He would talk, and I would listen. I learned so much about him during the long hours traveling - what he wanted to do with once we were more established, raps he had been thinking about, movies he wished he had been in. One night, he even told me his fears about his body, that someday he might get fat again and how noone would love him. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to take him into my arms and tell him that I would always love him, even if he were obese and lost all of his beautiful hair. But, I thought he might assume it was a joke, so I stayed silent. 

Our little game began to fade away, though, as we steadily became busier. I spent a great deal of time working on  _Family Outing_  until... Well, you know. And he was so busy with all of his solo activity and the acting gigs he began to get. It was like our worlds were falling out of orbit. I felt like I was the moon, and gravity was pulling me away from where I belonged next to my earth. In those days, it seemed like Big Bang was heading the way of H.O.T and all of the other victims of the five year curse; and, as the least popular member of the band, it looked like my career was in jeopardy. If Big Bang fell apart, I had no idea what I would do with the rest of my life. I loved singing - it was and is my life blood - but people can be cruel just because ... because I'm the "ugly" one. 

But, life has a way of surprising you when you least expect it. I had expected my life to fall apart, sure, but not like that.

It was just supposed to be a drive home. I got into my car, pulled out on the road, and turned towards home - like I had done countless times. It was so normal, really, that I began to lose myself in the bright sound of the trot music blaring through my speakers. As I came to the hill, I slowed my car down and was confused when the car in front of me suddenly served. In a panic, I dropped my foot on the accelarator rather than the brakes, and before I knew it my car had attempted to merge itself with a taxi. 

If only it had been just that.

I did not find out until I was at the police station what had happened. That I had killed a man.

In those moments, I felt as though the careful walls I had built around myself were stripped away and the bare body of my soul was laid out in the glaring summer sun. The scrutiny of the media, the attacks of the netizens, and even the behavior of YG burned into my very spirit and erased any joy I had in my body. I was a murderer, and I was going to lose everything. Nothing could save me from the burning punishment befitting my sins.

As soon as I was released from police custody, a company car whisked me back to the dorm. But, rather than talk to anyone, I immediately dove into my room and locked the door behind me. I was not worthy of any comfort the other members might give me, and I was terrified to think that they might scorn me instead. Without even turning the light on, I buried myself under the covers and wet the pillows with my tears. Not long after my disappearance, I heard a knock on the door. I was too choked up to even reply.

"Dae," came that beautiful, husky voice I loved so much.

Silence.

I could imagine those long fingers of his brushing over the smooth surface of my door. "Dae," he tried again. I still said nothing. The last thing in the world I deserved was whatever kindness he might try to offer me.

A little later, there was another knock on the door. Empty of my tears, I stared at the wall, not seeing anything even though my eyes had been affixed on the same smudge for the past who knew how long. "Dae." I was so numb; I am not certain I even registered that he wanted to talk to me.

That knock came countless times throughout the night, and I never answered. 

For days I did not answer. I lived, if you could even call it that, off the bottles of water I kept hidden away in the bottom of my closet and the stash of granola bars stashed in my dance bag. After nearly eight days of hiding in my room, I heard yet another knock - just as I had every hour for the past seven days - and a clearly strained, "Dae." He sounded like he was dying. My heart jackknifed in my chest, twisting about as it hung off my ribs and beat frantically with worry for the tormented man on the other side of the door.

Slowly, I rolled to my feet and shuffled to the door. I curled my hand around the knob and stared at it for a long moment, not certain I knew how to work it anymore. Through the door, I could hear a sigh and the sound of something dragging across the door. Twisting the knob, I opened the door. 

He looked awful. His beautiful eyes were bloodshot and ringed in red, as though he had not slept a wink since the moment of my accident. The soft lengths of his hair were matted and twisted; he looked as though he had not showered, too busy carting his hands through his hair to be bothered. Worst of all, though, was the expression of pure agony on his face. It looked as though someone had murdered his mother and made him watch, so intense was the anguish carved on his normally stoic features. I thought he hated me or that Big Bang had been disbanded because of my mistake.

Suddenly, his whole body twitched towards me. I think he wanted to wrap me up into a hug, but he did not dare to. Considering how awful he looked, I can imagine I was even worse. I had not even bothered to change my clothing since arriving home. I thought my life was over. But, slowly, he reached across the distance between us and caught one of my hands between both of his. Slowly, as though I were a frightened creature that might vanish at any moment, he drew my hand to his chest and cradled it there. My breath stuttered in my chest. "Dae," he repeated, his voice thick and rough with unshed tears. "I thought you'd never let me in."

That scandal was horrible; I don't think my career will ever really recover from it. But, oddly, it saved me. It saved us. Big Bang was brought closer than ever through the suffering Jiyong and I went through during that awful year. And, it brought Seunghyun and I even closer, too. He was by my side every chance he got, holding my hand and giving me a shoulder to cry on. 

When it was finally time for my return to stage, I was terrified. Every night leading up to the concert I would have terrible nightmares: the fans booing me off stage, the band announcing I was kicked out, someone trying to shoot me... I would wake up screaming, thrashing on the bed like I was fighting for my life. Without fail, Seyunghyun would be there - holding me tight. Some nights, when it got really bad, he would stay in bed with me and sing me lullabies until I fell asleep. You wouldn't know it looking at him, but he is wonderful at lullabies. The way he sings them in his low, husky voice makes it feel like the night is tucking in around you, making you safe and warm. The night before the concert itself, Seunghyun simply crawled into bed with me from the start and held me against his chest. "I don't want you to have nightmares," he said simply. And then he sang to me.

During the return concert, I was so nervous I could not stop shaking. I managed to sing, but I was sweating bullets the entire time. Then, suddenly, I felt a familiar warmth in my hand. I glanced down, and a smile managed to turn my lips. Seunghyun was there, supporting me as always; my fingers were caught tightly between his. And I was able to continue singing.

But, our relationship... It changed. Suddenly I didn't need to hold his hand to win a game or because of a dare. I needed to hold his hand because I needed him.


	4. And Then

 

Eventually, life became normal again. 

I began to work more independently, which was a blessing. The Japanese fans were willing to accept me, scars and all, with open arms. I began to look forward to being sent across the sea, if only because over there I was not "the ugly one" or "the murderer." At the same time, though, leaving felt impossible because it meant being without Seunghyun. All I'd think about as I left was the shape of his back turned towards me as he refused to say goodbye - as always. Perhaps he was trying to punish me for leaving him, as though I always had a say in my schedule. And on the way home, all I could think of was his smile when I walked through the door.

At that point, though, I did not realize I loved him. I thought of him as someone I admired - a hyung - and one of my dearest friends. How could I ever let my feelings become more when he was both so near and so far away?

And then it happened.

Usually the night of a concert I would be plastered up against Seunghyun, my hand tucked safely in his. The warmth of our fingers joined together helped steady my heart and soothe my nerves in a way no medication could replicate. That night, though, I did not feel anxious: I was safe and warm among my friends. The closer we got to going on stage, the more fidgety Seunghyun became. He paced and choomed and bullied Seungri with unusual force - sneaking glances at me all the while.

He was in the midst of tugging on Seungri's ear when it struck me: I wasn't holding Seunghyun's hand. Could it be he was acting out because I wasn't with him? Deciding to test my theory, I frolicked over to Seunghyun and threw my arms around him. "Hyung," I said in my best cutesy voice, "why are you way over here? I missed you!"

Seungri was immediately forgotten. "Didn't look like you missed me," the mercurial rapper mumbled.

My heart practically jumped out of my chest it was beating so hard; I wondered if he could feel it against his back. "I'm sorry," I said gently. "I didn't want to smother you." He scoffed a little. "Can you forgive me?"

There was a long stretch of silence before he answered. Reaching up, he pulled my hand from his chest and used it to draw me to his side. I blinked up at him, watching his expression closely as he tangled our fingers together. And there, hiding in his carefully schooled look of boredom, hid a shred of relief. He...he needed me. And I knew, in that moment, that I loved him.


	5. I Wondered

 

I sometimes wonder how many people realize Seunghyun is an introvert. Seungri and I - and even Youngbae - thrive off of being the center of attention. Jiyong constantly refers to us as his favorite drama queens, because we'll steal the stage at any possible moment. But Seunghyun is different: being in a crowd too long exhausts him. I think he likes acting so much because he is able to create a beautiful product for his fans without having to be in a constant, overwhelming throng of people.

Concerts began to take their toll on Seunghyun, especially as we neared our comeback in 2015. Our schedules were so full that we would finish one concert only to leave that night for the next location; none of us got the rest we needed. It began to show for each of us in different ways. Seungri became louder, Youngbae sang less (and yelled more) during songs, Jiyong rarely slept, and my voice began to crack during performances. Seunghyun... His reaction was to take my hand.

In a way, I was able to help Seunghyun the way he had helped me after my accident. He began to look to me as a source of strength and comfort; my hand in his gave him the ability to make it through our endless concerts. It's funny, but those were the moments where, for the first time, I felt like my nickname of the Smiling Angel might actually suit me. Helping my Seunghyun made me feel like I could fly.

I began to watch him during our performances, and whenever his shoulders would sag I would flutter over to be with him. Taking his hand in mine, I would squeeze it and flash him my brightest smile. Every time I did that, he would smile at me and the tension in his beautiful dark eyes would ease. There was a little voice in the back of my head that was convinced that these exchanges meant something more to Seunghyun than just a friendly handhold. I began wondering if every touch meant as much to him as it did to me. 

Could he love me?

But, I never got the chance to confess my feelings.


	6. Gone

 

The fracturing within the band had already become pronounced by the time we made our long awaited comeback. I think, in those last concerts, I came to understand how very precious and fleeting those moments were. At the end of each encore, I would linger a little longer – watching the faces of Big Bang’s fans closely – instead of running offstage like I used to. I wanted to see the way our fans gazed at us as a team, not as individuals. It astounded me that they would love us so completely, as though we were a part of themselves, when we were struggling so hard to love ourselves. I wished I could tell them all how grateful I was that they would devote so much of their time, money, and love to us. But, I don’t know that there are words strong enough to express those kinds of feelings. So, I would linger – giving them what little I could in return.

After the tour was over came the second worst day of my life: Seunghyun’s enlistment.

We gathered together at the YG building for a farewell party, and Seungri had even made a tacky sign declaring “Ding Dong the Bingu’s Gone.” The moment I saw that awful thing hanging on the wall, I made him take it down and stuff it in a garbage can. Seunghyun being gone for two years was a heartbreaking tragedy, not something to throw a parade over.

All night long, I hoped to catch Seunghyun’s attention and ask him if we could talk. The tour had been such a whirlwind that I had never managed to confess my feelings to him, even though I had desperately wanted to. In my mind, the hours were literally ticking down until he would leave my life for good, and I needed him to know about the secrets written on my heart. You see, I thought that once his enlistment was up either I would be sent off into the military myself or .. he would have forgotten about me. Two years is a very long time. People change.

But no matter how much I tried to catch Seunghyun’s attention, someone else always reached him first. Before I knew it I was standing alone in the empty room – the cleaning staff quietly working around me.

I felt like I was suffocating in the silence. The words of my confession pressed tightly against my teeth, trying to beat their way out to fill the air with their empty sound. My heart – poor thing – was pounding at such a violent, unsteady pace that it was like a very intoxicated Seungri was attempting to dance inside of my chest and failing horribly. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think.

Suddenly desperate, I raced to my car and whirled out of the parking lot. I drove to Seunghyun’s villa as though the devil himself were at my tail. Pulling up in front of the stately building, though, I frowned. Numerous cars crowded the driveway; the party had simply relocated rather than disbanding. Uncertainty shot through my body, and a cold sweat broke out on my forehead. It was a sign, I thought, that I should not confess to Seunghyun. If it were meant to be, he would be alone and I would be able to swear my undying love to him in the silence between us. And then he could hold me all through the night before leaving my embrace at dawn…

(I hate that Seunghyun has turned me into a romantic.)

My hands shook the entire drive home. I felt cold, empty, and alone.


	7. The End

 

I was ultimately right: It was the end of us. 

When Seunghyun returned from military service, he did not resign his contract as part of Big Bang. Instead, he signed as a solo artist and actor. Admittedly, I had always expected that to happen, because he seemed so much happier when he was working on a drama or a film than when he was recording. Rap had been his first love, but he grew out of it. Grew out of us.

It was a bit of a miracle, though, that kept the rest of us together. A miracle known as Jiyong's stubborn streak. Jiyong had ordered Seungri and I to continue our solo activities while he and Youngbae served, and he had even set us up with two year's worth of music to keep release during that time. And when Jiyong and Taeyang returned, they sat down with Seungri and I to discuss the future of our careers. YG had given us the choice: disband or continue without Seunghyun. The thought of performing without our deep-voiced rapper made a yawning pit open in my stomach; we would be incomplete without him. Yet, at the same time, I thought of the fans and the love they held for us. We could simply go our separate ways and be successful, certainly, but the fans would lose something special. When I expressed my thoughts to the group, Jiyong gave me a tiny smile that warmed his features right up into his eyes. I had spoken the thoughts that had been locked away behind his carefully constructed mask of calm. He had wanted us to decide for ourselves where our hearts lay, and my answer was the one he had been hoping would be voiced.

"Yeah," Youngbae agreed. "And while you two go through the military, Ji and I can focus on our solo stuff. It's not like keeping up with Big Bang would stop us from doing what we wanted to."

Seungri threw his hands out wide and grinned. "Hey, you know I'm up for anything. I just might make you guys teach master classes at my academy or something, though, to make it even." If nothing else, our youngest is a very shrewd businessman. I think he might even prove to be the next YG because he has that eye for talent and a lax morality that lets him twist rules to his pleasure. 

When it was announced that we would be returning as a set of four, the fans were both shocked and delighted. Some of them felt betrayed by Seunghyun (how could he leave his Big Bang family?) while others felt we had betrayed Seunghyun (how could we perform without him?). But, for the most part, the fans were excited that Big Bang was not finished - that they had extra time to share with a band they had loved for more than thirteen years. The timeline for our return was the tightest we had ever faced; we went from the announcement to the first concert date in only fifty days. 

It started to happen again, though, the closer we got to the first concert. My nightmares. This time, though, I saw the fans being so disappointed in our work that they simply left the arena or Seunghyun refusing to speak with us ever again when he got the news about the return. It was anguish because I was utterly alone in my home; there was no one to sing me lullabies. Seunghyun had been sent a remote location in Samoa in order to film his latest drama, and we had not heard from him in two months. I could not even reach out to him to ask if he had heard the news about the looming comeback. He would be returning before our comeback, supposedly, but the distance between us had grown so great that I doubted he would even acknowledge the concert.

The night before the concert, Jiyong kept us at the rehearsal later than normal. He seemed disatisfied with the staging for my duet with him; he kept fussing about where I would start. At last, he let out a happy cry. "I know!" He grinned that wide, gummy grin of his. "We can have him start at the end of the thrust - put a lot of fog around him. Since we've not released this song yet, nobody will be expecting me to sing with him. So I can surprise them by coming out to join him; they'll think it's just a solo and then we'll blow their minds." He nodded firmly. "Yeah. That is what I want." 

I didn't really care what the staging ended up being. In all honesty, I just wanted to get the first concert out of the way so the nightmares would stop. We practiced and practiced the number again - the technical team scrambling to get the staging just how the tempestuous dragon had envisioned it. The next day we rehearsed once more before retiring backstage in order to prepare for the concert. Throughout the entire two hours of getting my hair, makeup, and costumes ready for the show, I felt strangely cold. Normally I would be frolicking about - dancing, teasing, and flailing my way through the preparations. But this time my hands were shaking and numb.

Just before we were set to go on stage, I turned to Jiyong and offered him a weak smile. "Do...you think he came?" I asked, my voice uncharacteristically soft.

Reaching over, Jiyong gave my shoulder a squeeze. "I'm sure he did, Dae. He wouldn't miss opening night for anything." My expression fell a little. If he had come, wouldn't he have come to say hello and wish us luck? There was no sign of him, so I figured he had truly abandoned us.

Before I could dwell on these thoughts anymore, the concert began in full force. We hit the performance hard - as though it was our first concert back in 2006. I began to lose myself in the performance - the fans were amazing - but every once in a while I would catch my hand reaching for someone who wasn't there, and every time it happened, my heart would stop beating for a long moment. When it finally came to the second to last song, my duet with Jiyong, I was just about ready to crawl off the stage and fall into bed. The emotional drain of the previous weeks and the challenges of the concert were nearly too much for me to take. But, I knew I had to slay our special number. After all, Jiyong had written it just for us. What kind of friend would I be if I flouted such a wonderful gift?

Going to my mark in the darkness, I took a steadying breath as the fog began to pump up through the trap doors near me. A single spotlight caught on my figure as the first notes filled the air. I kept my expression neutral; the song was about the quiet ache of loneliness and how love could help the soul come back to life. The opening portion of the song had a distinct melacholy, one tinged with loss and isolation. It made me think of Seunghyun. Performing without him felt as though I was singing without my heart, as though someone had stolen the very heat out of my blood. But then the tempo of the song changed. Jiyong had told me when I had first listened to the song that sadness was as temporary as we let it be, which was why he had the song change for the better. He had smiled and explained that all of us could chose to be happy, if we wanted.

And so, in that moment, I chose to be happy. A wide smile split my lips, and I gave my hips a teasing wiggle as I sang the bridge. I just knew the fans were going to go crazy when Jiyong's distinctly nasal rap swept in under my voice.

But the voice that came in under mine was not a brazen tenor: It was a rough bass voice that I could feel rumbling through my bones like the awareness of a summer storm on the horizon. The fans erupted into hysteria as I stood frozen on the spot - the song forgotten. And then it came. At first it was just the warmth of another body near mine, but then it was the distinct feeling of long, spindly fingers tangling with mine. Slowly, I turned and found my gaze caught by the fierce, dark eyes of none other than my favorite Choi. A teasing smirk twisted his lips at the sight of my expression, and when my part in the song returned he held the microphone out for me to sing into - my microphone was forgotten at my side. Out of the corner of my eye I could Seungri, Jiyong, and Youngbae dancing like fools onstage. Grinning my thousand watt smile, I happily joined Seunghyun in singing - losing myself in the melody, losing myself in him.

When we finally made it backstage, I turned to Seunghyun with a myriad of questions pressed against my teeth. He silenced them all by catching my hand in his once again and giving it a squeeze. "Your hand looked lonely," he murmured gently. "Can't have that, can we, Dae?" My fingers were granted yet another soft squeeze before he took a slow step closer. 

"You came," I managed to stutter.

He nodded. "I promised you I would always be there for you." Tipping his head down slightly, he glanced at me through the dark fringe of his eyelashes. "And I could never break that promise to you. Couldn't live with myself if I did."

My heart started to race again, just like those early days when I was first falling in love with him. All of the effort I had put into forgetting Seunghyun and repressing those feelings for him were apparently in vain; I was as much in love with him then as I had been before he left for military service. "You couldn't?"

A new warmth blossomed across my skin as his free hand curled lightly along the shape of my jaw. "No. I couldn't." It was such a simple reply, but so true to the man standing before me. 

Licking my bottom lip, I let my gaze slip down to rest on the curve of his shoulder. "Oh."

"Kang Daesung." Slipping his thumb under my chin, he lifted my face so our gazes could meet once. "I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time, but - " he leaned closer, "I love you." Closing the rest of the distance between us, he brought our lips together in a featherlight contact. The touch lasted only a moment, but it made my skull ignite in fireworks and my heart felt as though it had been remade in gold. Leaning back, he watched my features closely - looking for a sign of my feelings. As the silence continued, his dark eyes began to reflect fear; he had begun to doubt that I returned his feelings. I let out a slow breath.

"There is no feeling in the world like your hand in mine," I began softly. "It makes me feel like there's nothing so bad that I can't make it through, like everything in the world is alright as long as our fingers are tangled together. I think it started as just comfort - knowing someone cared about me - but it became something else. I needed to hold your hand -  _yours_ and nobody else's." I caught his hand between both of mine. "Seunghyun ... the warmth of you keeps my heart beating." Carefully, I pressed light kisses to each of his fingertips. "I love you too."

I had never seen my Seunghyun smile like that before: like he had just seen heaven. Our heaven - together.


End file.
